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Friday, June 11, 2010

How to get a job?

Are you looking a job? Here is my quick method of scamming your way to find one... Yep you read it right.

A. Find the job that you would like to get into.
B. Get in contact with the company/agent that is representing the job advert.
C. Produce a CV that makes you looks like you're the right fit for the job.
D. Turn up to the interview dressed smartly and talk about your experiences with various key products that the company may be interested in. Basically give the impression that you are experienced and ready to tackle the job head on.
E. Once you get the job, spend a good couple of weeks going through systems used within the organisation and get familiar with everything.
F. Then make yourself look like you're having difficulty understanding the tasks given and do not produce results. This should make the managers feel that they should give you more supervision to complete the tasks.
G. Give them what they want but take the long way round of doing it and give it in a different format so they get annoyed with it.
H. Otherwise if no actual results needs to be given, just tell them that it is done and there are no issues found. That should keep them happy.
I. If meetings are required to keep them happy then go along with the flow.
J. Repeat steps F - I for a good 5+ months until they notice something is wrong.
K. When asked why you haven't done XYZ; say you don't know how to do it.

In return get fired but you have just pocketed yourself £££ for wasting their time. Well done! You have advanced to the Go Square and have collected £200. Woo hoo!!!

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